Someone asked me today....

...What is hell?

I responded with humor, "a Kansas City Chief Fan."

They laughed then said, "..no really? How would you define hell? Some say its a burning pit of fire, being eaten by maggots and tortured beyond belief. What about you?"

"Well," I started, "assuming you believe in God, I think hell would be painted like this:

You stand by a man, a dominating figure who tells you, the only rule I have is for you to never venture outside these lines. The figure then draws four lines to form a box and puts you in it. You do your work, satisfactory, but in the back of your mind, you want to know, whats on the other side of that line? What is sooo special about it, that I can't go there? Am I not special enough? and before you know it.... *poof* you touched outside the box.

Nothing happened.

Hrrmmm... ok.. so you step outside the box. You leave your foot there for one full minute.

Nothing happened.

A cop comes by and sees you in your box, and asks you, Hey... did you step outside the box?

Nope.

You sure? Because if you confess now, I can clear your name, and you will be able to live life like it didn't happen. You will remember it, but you file will be cleared.

Nope, I am fine, officer.

Ok, good luck with your box. He smiles then leaves.

You get a message later that the boss wants to see you, and you should go immediately. *BAM* the box disappears, and an arrow lights up a tunnel for you to enter.

Hello there, Boss, you wanted to see me?

Yes.

It's good to see you, Boss, nice hair cut.

Thank you, I have a question for you. Here is a video of your life, now, before we view it, is there anything you want to say?

No.

Ok.... *views tape - winces at the point of the venture outside the box* .. you left the box.

But, I fell! It wasn't my fault? It's such a small box....

I'm sorry, the rules are the rules...

What about mercy? Can't you get me out of this? PLEASE??

Do you remember the officer?

Yeah, so?... oh wait...

*Long Pause*

I gave you your chance, but I still love you. I am going to give you the choice to stay here, in this room. You will always see me, and think of me, and if you ever want to talk to me, you can just push a button, and I will talk with you. Know that I will be able to see you as well, and think of you all the time, but to talk, you will have to initiate the conversation. It's the best I can do. I love you son.

Then you enter the room, and for eternity, you watch as those who didn't venture outside the box, or plead their case with the officer, and touching, talking openly, working and playing with the Boss. You talk to him sometimes, but you feel guilty for taking him away from the others, and you spend the rest of the time, watching. Crying. "

Co-worker looked like they totally didn't understand, so I broke it down.

"In a way," I said, "It is like you said '..a burning pit of fire, being eaten by maggots and tortured beyond belief'. The torture of seeing God, all the time, unable to go up and give him a hug. The guilt of all you done, eating away at you, and the burning of embarrasment everytime he talks to you."

"Oh... I think I like the other fire's better... " then walked away.

The Day My Brother Died... ?

Today, at 6:04 PM, my Dad called from Salt Lake City. At first, he was glubbering... telling me to "sit down... sit down... something happened... sit down"... all I could do is say What?? What Happened?? At this point... 10 Million things run through your mind... Mom died, sister... brother... Older.. younger... cousin...

I never really experienced death. My Grandparents were all dead before I was 18 and never really knew them. The closest I got was when I went to a funeral of an ex-girlfriend of mine from my Sophmore year. A most beautiful of God's Daughters. So I was new at this.

"Your brother, Ed, has Died.", Came the response.

I didn't say anything. My Wife overheard on the phone, and was shocked. As Dad went on about how no one has heard from him from his small home in the back woods of Montana, in a few days, so my brother went and broke in his house and found him...

I reflected about him. See, Ed, was my older brother. The Oldest of ten of the craziest bunch of family kids. I try and remember him. Him protecting us when we were younger, then turning and punching us for getting him involved. Heh. As fast as he was about being picking on you for being the younger, was as fast as he was about protecting you. Sure he had flaws, his infamous "Green Tea and Vodka drink to clean your Liver" theory, for example. But he was a Champion to his younger brothers and sisters. He taught me how to drive. He taught me the hardships of responsibility. I lived with him a few times, and he was a rock. Taught me that to be out on your own, meant your freedom, and with that came responsibility. You can come in at 3Am and noone will care. Many hours we played cards. He helped me buy my first new car. He helped me get my first job in the IT industry. He was always cordial to my girlfriends, and especially to my Wife.

He has done some wacky things. Even to the end, moving to Montana, renting a cabin in the middle of no where, and buying a horse. But you know... thats what he was. He loved Montana. It is gorgeous there, and I imagine how peaceful it was.

So I asked the normal questions about whats going to happen and was told the whole family is converging in Great Falls. Mom and the girls weren't doing well, but I knew it would be ok.

My worry was my Dad. It hadn't really hit him yet, but he was fragile anyways, and when it does, I hope he has the support around him to help him.

One detail was no one knew when he died. Word came to me that it was at least 5 Days. I felt guilty. I really did. 5 Days!?! And no one even checked on him. But I told myself, it wasn't that we didn't care, it was that we knew he was ok. I still believe he is ok.

After my Wife and I ate some dinner, I called my Brother. I expected him on the verge of tears, but amazingly, he was ok. Not many can find their older sibling in that instance, and be ok. As he explained it, it is harder for him to have to tell us. And I agree. Even though we are all Carlsson's; we deal with things very differently. I fight my demons inside. I always have. And I am sure I will fight this Demon for a long time. But we laughed together. Fred and I laughed. I think we both needed it.

Anyways, I know he is a much better place, because with all his faults, and chinks in his armor, he was the Champion, the Hero, and the Protection Warrior of the Family. He would do anything for anyone of us, at any given time. And now he has been called to fight in God's Army.

Go Ed. Kick some Demon Ass of your own.